Eavesdrop

cold floor boards
beneath my damp hands
my ears commit treason
oh omniscient friends
ideas above our station
the door forms a wall
made of aural glass

you once shone.
a kind type. the light of my mind
i tried to keep by your side.
but try as i might, sometimes that bright smile
falters.
slowly your soul is opened
bit by bit, not by you
but by those close. the people who watch you
just like i do
they too see hints of grief in your eyes
i was too blind to notice
the way your smile isnt for me
was never for me.

but they are kind
i think it is kindness
as you carve a path in bitter resentment
i am determined to follow you
if i am by your side when you no longer have anything to cut
you will have no choice but to turn to me.

they see me prepare to follow you
and they do not stop me.
perhaps in all honesty
they trust me.
i lay by the door again
and i hear your destination
it is not a life with me.
it is the life i wanted with you, but i am not present

the obsession i had for you mirrored
in yours for him.
if you follow him everywhere he will have no choice
but to turn to you.